9 ways to learn to fend for themselves
Every day we are faced with situations where you need to defend their opinion: in front of a colleague criticizing your idea; relatives disagree with your career choice or partner; someone to take your place in the queue, or girlfriend, release toxic remarks. The easiest way to not pay attention to these points. But, if you want to get the desired effectively share ideas and gain the respect of others, will have to learn to fend for themselves. We tell you how to do it.
1. Get used to the idea of
The idea to demand something or argue, can be uncomfortable, especially if you're used to go with the flow and you simply keep silent than to speak. But remember, to defend their opinion - this is a positive habit. You need not become blatant or be a bitch that others respect you.
According to the magazine "Psychology Today" (Psychology Today), a real confidence - is the desire for what you want in a respectful manner to others. Stop perceive expression as an act of aggression, then the idea to be more assertive no longer seem intimidating.
2. Do not be afraid to say
To talk about their needs and wants - the best way to help others to understand you and to learn how to react. Very often, to get what you need to fight not necessarily enough to ask. Rather than ignore the problem and hope that others will read your mind, tell me what you want.
3. Be a little selfish
The habit of constantly sacrifice themselves and to put the interests of others above yours will eventually lead to the fact that you begin to feel tired, unsatisfied, save resentment. Do not expect that others will suddenly see the light and be sure to repay your kindness. We all have different views on the same things, so people can feel good about you, but I really do not notice your needs.
Maintain a healthy ego. Learn to prioritize and take care of themselves, and not just for others.
4. Choose a good time to talk to
This does not mean that you should always keep silent about the problem and wait for the man to be in the spirit, to hear your claim. But if you want to convey something important, it is good to make sure that the source is ready for dialogue at the moment. This will help you both to act rationally, to better understand each other and to maintain friendly relations.
5. distinguish what is worth fighting for, and for which there is no
Some things are not worth wasting energy on them. If this is a passing situation, when you are rude to the casual passer-simply because he had a bad day, it is easier to let it go than to prove to him that he is wrong. But when it comes to a loved one, colleague or relative with whom you have to interact more than once, not immediately explain their position to avoid further conflicts. To be able to stand up for themselves - not to argue with all on any occasion. Learn to search for a healthy balance between the alignment of the boundaries and the ability not to react to small stimuli.
6. Do not be sorry, when you ask for something
plaintively, "I'm sorry" often replaces the appeal to the other party, or is simply a bunch of words, but it has a specific value. You do not have to apologize for something that expresses an opinion, request or just exist.
Tell me about your problem and offer solutions - so you stay true to its boundaries and beliefs. Starting with an apology, you deliberately put yourself in a weak position. To be polite, there are other wonderful words such as "thank you" and "please".
7. Learn to properly use body language
If you have a problem with confidence, it is necessary to work not only on self-esteem, but also on gestures. Pay attention to how you behave during a conversation with someone: whether slouch, folding his arms, troubled. Correcting these errors, you can make the right impression on the interlocutor and feel stronger.
To project a confident image, psychotherapist Heidi McBain advises primarily to work on in order to feel better. Get enough sleep, eat right, to promote mental health, look for positive incentives that surrounds you. If you are calm and good inside, it must manifest itself outside.
8. set boundaries
The boundaries need not only to be able to fend for themselves. They give others an idea of what to do with myself do you expect. As a clinical psychologist explains Joshua Clapier, personal boundaries - this is what action you are not prepared to accept or tolerate from others.
The boundaries may change over time, and their formation - an ongoing process. How to organize it in communicating with friends, colleagues or partner, we have already told you.
9. Remember that you deserve respect
This important thing is overlooked by those who are not able to have his own opinion - each of us is worthy of respect in itself. No one has the right to be rude to you or ignore your needs. Yes, people sometimes do so, but you are not obliged to put up with it.