10 rules of communication with toxic mother

Absolutely does not matter whether you have always had a bad relationship with the mother, or they have deteriorated recently, in any case, it is quite difficult. To be with each other can be tiring, and every conversation sounds like a poorly-written drama. The sooner you learn to deal with toxic mother, the better, and especially for the Heroine gathered a few important rules that should be followed.

1 to reduce the time that you spend together

10 rules of communication with toxic mother

It does not matter whether you meet on the weekends or just talking on the phone - try to limit the number of contacts.

Slowly retreat. For example, if you used to see or talk with toxic mother every day to reduce the interaction up to 5-6 times a week.

Jennifer L. Fitz, author of "The Stress Reduction by about your loved one cares"

This will allow you to save the relationship, but do not make them too close.

2. Think about how to stop the communication at the time of

10 rules of communication with toxic mother

If you now come a time when your conversations become especially toxic - it is better to start to avoid them. Sometimes it really appropriate to interrupt the communication, as this will allow you to find a space for calm and to work on their own negative attitudes. Use this time to understand how you will maintain your relationship in the future.

Determine what should be your bond.

In your relationship with your mother built on its terms for many years: it is you brought up, fed, clothed and cared for. But now, just when you became an adult, it's time to figure out what should be the relationship in the future. Ponder what topics of conversation, and the area should limit, and which, on the contrary - can be a great theme for the two of you closer and preservation of warm feelings.

3. Set boundaries

In the event that your mother always behaved quite toxic to separate from the family can be difficult and takes a lot of courage to build healthy boundaries. But no matter how it was difficult - it is an important step that you need to do.

When you become less dependent on - then you launch the recovery process. Boundaries are important, but first you must develop inner self-confidence to be able to establish these limits.

psychologist Alicia Maker.

You need to learn not to react too emotionally, do not take other people's words to heart and not be responsible for other people's feelings, desires and needs. Your mom can skillfully clicking on different buttons - but the secret is that it is because of her these buttons basically exist.

Do not respond to the parents may be more difficult than friends or partners, so that the problem is really complicated. Many family therapists suggest that the ideal way to become independent from the family - start to work regularly on their development with the therapist and then at a meeting with parents to practice their new skills. The process is long, but eventually you will not experience irritation when traveling home for the holidays or for Sunday lunch. In some situations, there is a chance even to find a common language with a toxic parent and again to enjoy a relaxed atmosphere in the family.

10 rules of communication with toxic mother

4. Keep confidence

Toxic mom rarely behaves respectfully to his daughter. It can seek out all your weaknesses, to provoke scandals and even a fight, so you have to know exactly what you can stand up for themselves. I am assured of the right to say stop phrases such as: "If you want to talk to me, do not use that tone." You should also regularly practice saying "no" to focus on the fact that you deserve respect.

5. Speak respectfully

10 rules of communication with toxic mother

A simple way to add fuel to the fire - just start talking disrespectfully in response. Even if your mom is really a toxic person, try to still maintain her world. Talk to her with respect, as an important step towards the establishment of borders.

Catch the negative attitudes, which are said in her speech, and redirect the conversation in a different direction as far as possible. Suppose your mother complains that she does not like what profession you choose. Say: "Yes, Mother, I understand that you really hard and uncomfortable. But I feel anxious when talking about it. "

Thus you will not only confirm her feelings, but also emphasizes that bothers you very. It is reported that the anxiety you feel and what you need to change the subject. Practice these answers in advance, especially if the situation is repeated from time to time.

Even if your parent does not respect borders, you, as a child, much more useful to repeat the positive attitudes and mantras as also become toxic and dysfunctional behavior.

6. Remember that its toxicity - has nothing to do with you

Some victims of emotional domestic violence want to blame yourself in that relationship has become toxic, but it is always important to remember that this does not apply to you. Take yourself the pressure and stop to consider that if you make a particular choice in life - things will change. Even if you choose to work on her orders, or marry a man whom she approves, - it will remain as toxic. We should also remember that you are unlikely to make such a mistake in the relationship with their children. Can you repeat it like a mantra: you - not your mother. You do not have anything to do with those offensive phrases that she tells you. You do not have to love your mother, but you're able to be attached to it. Remember also that most of the pain you cause that forbids himself to be angry and offended, but you really have a right to these feelings.

7. Remind yourself that you should not make mom happy

Repeat to yourself: is my life, I love my mother, but I will not let it control my life, to influence it and to destroy all that I wanted. Repeat this every morning, afternoon and evening - until the moment do not really understand the meaning of these words. Remember also that you do not bear responsibility for what kind of life chose your mother.

8. Give a chance to change

People who grew up in a dysfunctional family, may feel that their parents will never change. But this does not mean that you should not give a chance. There are those who go beyond their usual behavior, especially if they had the chance to hear how toxic behavior harms your life. Even if that does not work - you'll know that at least tried to.

10 rules of communication with toxic mother

9. But bear in mind that you can not change the

At the same time, remember that you can not change the mother without her will. It - an adult who is solely responsible for the choice that makes a life. All that you can do - to control their own emotions, to build the border and take care of themselves.

10. Ask for help

Surely you already know that life is very difficult with toxic mother. The best way to gain a foothold in this situation - to see a therapist. Even several consultations may be enough to hear the most important tips to overcome these negative emotions, and learn the skills to fight with fear and anxiety.

What is the most painful memory you have connected with your mother?