How to choose yourself and do not be afraid to be bad - advises Julia Bays

The desire to be a good for everyone and make people happy - is in itself a good, but in some cases is only a symptom of a deeper problem and is associated with an unrealistic self-esteem. Women meekly agree with everything that they are required to do so, to feel accepted by society. However, they forget what they want to do, and do not feel truly happy. Heroine met layfkouchem and motivational speaker Julia Bays, who told how to deal with the trouble-free, take your imperfections and to get rid of the complex an excellent pupil.

Julia Bays - happy wife, mother and 3 children traveler. She lived in Sevastopol, Berlin and Marbella, today Julie is studying in Moscow at an international standard coach and chooses the life of your dreams - to help people to deal with complexes, negative thoughts, fears and chronic dissatisfaction. Julia believes that everyone should trust yourself and make decisions primarily on the basis of their personal beliefs and values.

How to understand that you give up on themselves and try to please everyone?

1. Always agree with everything

listen to others, even if you do not agree - good social skills, which helps to emotionally survive in modern society. But agree with all to please - then devalue their own opinions, to give people another reason to be manipulated and ignored your interests.

2. Do you feel responsible for the feelings of others

Try to make all people happy around unconditionally and fulfill their requests - is a toxic altruism. Confidence in this case based entirely on the approval of others, indicating that the low self-esteem. The desire to please and to put their needs ahead of others dictated by fear of being alone or to see themselves the real, because then there is a chance to face the unpleasant truth.

3. Often apologizing

If you're constantly apologizing, even for what not to do - in fact, you apologize for their existence. Over time, caring about the feelings and preferences of others not only undermine your personal boundaries, but also the ability to lead a normal, happy life.

4. Do not line up personal boundaries

If you can not refuse to friends who are always asking to borrow money, or are afraid to speak, when relatives interfere in your life, then you do not understand where it ends the sphere of influence of others and your personal territory begins. Inability to defend it gradually destroy your life. When you allow others to invade your space, you own blurs the boundaries, for which you can not go.

5. feel guilty if someone is angry with you

Anger, frustration or resentment on the part of others still do not mean you've done something wrong. You came into this world, not in order to conform to someone else's expectations. But if you can not stomach the idea that someone is displeased with you, you are more likely to jeopardize their values ​​and mental health. While your self-esteem depends on the opinion of others, you will feel good, just getting the approval.

How do I get out of this state?

1. Realize that you have a choice of

If you feel uncomfortable when someone asks you for help, but you have already outlined other plans or you just do not want to do this, do not panic. Just remember that you always have a choice and your needs should always be a priority.

Tip Julia: Imagine that you have a burning flame inside. When you do what you like, it inflames, it becomes brighter and warm people around. Once imposed the interests of getting a lot happens to burnout. Your emotional life is over, there are anger, fear, and lack of energy.

2. Set your priorities

Knowing your priorities and values ​​will help you in time to finish the conversation, when people do not listen to you for a long time and insist on their own. If you start to doubt, to wonder what the most important thing, and follow your path for you.

Tip Julia: We often think and dream about one thing, though forced to do what we have decided for the parents or the family.

Try to build an installer and priorities, which will not be based on the concepts of "necessary" or "necessary". Everything should be fun, and for the benefit of their own development.

3. Do not rush to say "yes"

Whenever someone asks you for a favor, it is okay to say that you need to think about. This will allow time to see if you can make a commitment. If a person requires an immediate response, and you are in doubt, it is better to say "no." So you leave the option to change your mind. Tip Julia: Whether for yourself a priority number 1. Then you will always be conditions and a desire to help others. Indeed, sometimes we spend too much energy on friends, forget about ourselves and when help is needed the closest refuse.

4. Learn how to find compromises

Search for a compromise - a good way to maneuver within its borders and not to disturb other people. Listen to what the other person is offering, then explain what you want. So you can come up with a solution that satisfies both. Otherwise, your opinion does not matter to the interlocutor, and this relationship will not bring you the benefit and pleasure.

Tip Julia: You remember the difference between "concessions" and "compromise". In the first case we do so, it is convenient to another person, in the second - Located halfway between requests to each other. Always remember that you need. Do not forget, sometimes people insist on his point of view simply because they like to persuade.

5. Boost your self-esteem

Your self-esteem should not depend on the approval of other people, you're the only one who can control it. Do not be afraid to learn from their mistakes, treat yourself like a best friend. Be kind, courteous and compassionate measure in relation to the most important person in your life - yourself.

Tip Julia: I recommend 3 exercise to enhance their self-esteem:

1 - Bring a list of victories. We often forget what made. 2 - Always Reward yourself for each accomplishment. Use the chart "goal - the result - a reward." So you will add value to any action.

3 - Ask your friends and relatives: "What do you like about me?". The answers will surprise you pleasantly.

In his Instagram-blog Julie writes a lot about how to treat yourself, people and the world in general. To create harmony in your life, it is advised to begin with the adoption of its weaknesses, self-belief and the realization that your life something goes wrong, but could be better.

Julia shares her knowledge, life experiences and life hacking, conducts coaching sessions and inspires positive change in their lives. Do you want a complete set - come to her Instagram @juliabederov - and begins to sink in a happy life.