Soroditeli: how to raise a child, when you divorced
The term soparenting or "soroditelstvo" came from the English language, it was originally meant a situation where divorced parents continue to raise children together. Today, this concept is much broader - the so-called biological parents of the child that does not involve romantic relationships. Diluted pair; those who never been married; two friends who decide to have a baby, but in principle not interested in marriage.
Soroditelstvo - is a healthy way of education, when two people are guided only by the interests of the child, not their emotions and ambitions. With this approach, the children do not feel that growing up in single-parent family, even if you are with their father have never lived together. Heroine will cover the basic principles soroditelstva.
Do not speak badly about the other parent
Healthy soroditeli support each other, or at least remain neutral. Show your child the negative in relation to his father is not worth it, even if you have a good reason for these emotions. All that you say, affect the child's self-esteem. In your power to make sure that the child does not feel defector, who is torn between two enemy territories. In a healthy soroditelstve children are not used as messengers to convey to the former, it was time to pay child support, or as a spy to find out something about the other parent. Select several positive qualities in the father of your child and talk about them from time to time. Then he will be proud of their parent and realize that love it - it's normal.
Do not decide domestic issues during the transfer of the child to each other
The time when he comes to pick up the child at the weekend, is not the best to discuss the problems. Remember that this is a very embarrassing moment for the child and it should be as light as possible. Be positive and polite. All that comes to money, charts, and other nuances, let alone to talk.
Schedule regular meetings without the child
They talk to you about all that can not be discussed during the transfer of the child to each other. It does not matter, it will be a phone call or an invitation to a cup of coffee - the child must not be near. Treat it as a business meeting. Prepare in advance a couple of relevant topics that you need to discuss and focus on constructive dialogue, not emotion. If the atmosphere is heating up, and you can not reach a consensus, it is better to postpone the discussion until the next time.
Allow children to love the other parent and his new family
Encourage their relationship and do not allow yourself to be jealous, not to provoke a child's sense of guilt.
Try not to take a defensive position in relation to the new family of his former. Treat them as people who can bring something new in the life of your children. His example you show your child how to treat others.
I always remind biological parents, that nothing can take away your relationship with your children, - says the founder of the International Association of co-parenting, a therapist for marriage and family, and author of works on soroditelstvu Tammy Daughtry. - If you have a positive attitude to the new person, it will actually help your children avoid the stress and anxiety that they were in a no-win situation between the two families.
Do not let your environment speak badly about the father of the child
You can discuss what you bastard your ex, with her friends and family, but do not allow them to express their negativity with the child. Explain know how important it is to protect the child from your problems with his father. Hear such talk from other people's children more difficult than from you - it puts them in an awkward position and has a self-assessment.
Give your child the right to choose with whom to spend the holidays
Of course, in such an important date, like a birthday, it is better that both parents were close by. But as for the New Year, Christmas, other holidays and vacations - the children leave the right of choice and do not judge. That the child was happy, you have to control his jealousy. Deciding to spend time with his father, he does not feel that betrays you.
Are there examples in your environment healthy soroditelstva?