Not necessarily to marry
Here is a translation of an article Brooke Hampton, the writer, a loving mother and founder of the natural products store in Texas. Article provocative, but useful. Especially if you are tired of suffering in the relationship.
I am not a big fan of marriage.
I believe that marriage puts talented visionaries who are able to change the world into a conventional institution, where they then spend an enormous amount of time, emotions, "magic", and valuable energy in trying to be a "good" citizen and to live according to the illusion of the ideal family, which is so successfully implemented in our heads. In addition, the marriage has succeeded in creating a fatal sense of ownership in relation to another soul simply because once he or she said "yes", and put us on the ring finger and signed the document, which states that we will never give up. (Have you ever noticed how crazy all this look like?)
One of the biggest deceptions, the victim of which we can become - the idea that we need someone else in your life to be whole. We are waiting for the coming of Mr. or Mrs., to finally start our life and be truly happy.
I live with my man for 15 years, and we are still very, very like each other. In many ways, it happened due to the fact that each of us is alone, creating a light, helping each other to achieve our personal goals. We are incredibly different, but none of us are fighting for the right to change the other. We respect and value each other as we are. We do not need each other. We enjoy each other. It's a big difference. The most unromantic words in the world "you complete me" - I just want to cry when I hear them at weddings. I want to complement itself. Rotates around its axis, until you reach harmony with each other and can not create magic alone. Then you, if you want to attract someone who will rotate around you. As a result, the world will get two beautiful souls, which rotate separately, but in perfect harmony ... that's where the magic happens!
What about the children?
I do not believe that we were meant to have children and raise a family, as it is imposed on us by culture. Once you have decided to have children, then yes, it is helpful to find someone who will gladly willing to help you give the unborn child the best life possible. This does not mean that both have to live under the same roof, but it means that you are determined to work together for the sake of the children the necessary support so that they grow up healthy, confident and emotionally stable members of society.
If you are married, because that would ... Wonderful! Just make sure your expectations are realistic, be open and honest about what you feel. The situation is unhealthy, if long-running relationship someone feels trapped and unhappy. That's why we have so many injuries associated with relationships that did not work -.. Mother, father, first love, etc. Fabulous image of how love should look, turned out to be false, and we were defeated.
Do not marry a kindred souls.
Billy (my man) - a very good friend. He thinks I'm wonderful, amazing and incredibly attractive. He is always ready to help and support me, and the last he will do in any case. He is a wonderful father and friend. We are perfect for each other in all respects. We emphasize the best in us almost always. We do not cling to each other and can be left alone, even though they would prefer to be together. Our relationship is easy and nullify shit. Billy gentle, calm ... absolutely wonderful, and I love it, but it's not my soulmate, as is usually understood - a mystical, ancient connection from past lives. Together we have created a completely unique alliance, the meaning of which is also exceptional in its own way.
Who are soul mates? They exist? Each of us will answer this question based on their own beliefs. Personally, I believe that soul mates - the people who are perfectly combined with us, to help us grow. But they do not have to be our lovers. Awareness of this is very important for us. In our culture, we seem to be struggling with a deep understanding of the relationship that non-sexual or unromantic, but have a great purpose. Any close relationship between two people priori romantic, right? No. In this wild world there are countless connections.
And I believe that soul mates exist and appear in our life when it is most needed. They come to encourage us, challenge us, like a mirror to show us our weaknesses, to wake us up and get going forward. And, frankly, we should not marry such persons. Because then we uvyaznem in creating the perfect marriage (God knows, whatever that means) and forget what our souls were connected from the very beginning.
We all too easily forget that our job - to help each other to develop as quickly as possible, not to torment each other in these strange roles that husband and wife are forced to play. Because who knows what that looks like for each of us.
There is the idea that a person must meet all of our needs. And, in general, and it provides us with all the suffering and frustration. Instead, why do not we just think about, for what we want to create a relationship with the other person and what their purpose is. Then the universe will send us an ideal choice for this purpose. And if the goal - a great sex and traveling around the world, you get a completely different person, different from the one of you could get a family. When in doubt, just take my word for it. A clear understanding of our desires - is the first step to being able to create the most magical union. Look, actually, I'm no expert, and I, of course, she has not yet coped with everything, what I'm saying. I know one thing for sure, and the reality is that what I'm doing is working. How many happy couples do you know? Good. How many among them those with more than a few years old, and had children? They should be not only comfortable with, it is a real happiness. This all makes us think that we are somewhere wrong. We are constantly in search of a crazy, wild, passionate love of our lives, to stay with her at all costs, until death do us part. Perhaps, and this is just a guess, we should look for something quite the opposite.
Let's rewrite normality.
Let's hack parenthood, friendship, love, partnership, communication, unions of kindred souls, life and marriage such as we are accustomed to seeing them, and create something that will work, that is suitable to our hearts and souls, without fears and concerns to break the norm.
Because if nobody told you this before, the concept of standards greatly overrated.