How to take and give advice

• How to receive and to give advice to

All of us from time to time have to give, ask and listen to advice.

Psychologist and professor at Stanford University Jeffrey Pfeffer, in his book "Influence: why some people have it, while others - no," says the council - the most powerful tool for building any relationship:

"The best way to build a relationship with someone - is to ask for advice. In addition, during the conversation, you can always ask the person to talk about his experience, about how his career has evolved and how he / she has reached / la succeed. Nothing brings people more fun than talking on his favorite topic - about themselves, of course. "

How to learn to have an impact on other people? Professor of the Wharton School of Business at the University of Pennsylvania, Adam Grant conducted its own study and the results are clear: the best way - is to ask for advice.

Here is a quote from his book "Give and Take: a revolutionary approach to success":

"New research shows that seeking advice - strikingly effective strategy in order to raise their credibility. During one experiment, a researcher Katie Liljenquist participants were required to conduct negotiations on the proposed sale of commercial real estate. In cases where the sellers are focused on getting the maximum profit, only eight percent of the participants managed to successfully reach an agreement. But when the sellers asked the Board of buyers in how they achieve the goal, the percentage increased to 42 agreements. Seeking advice, you install more interaction with a partner. Sharing information, people from rivals instantly turn into allies, and to find a compromise becomes far easier. Studies show the effectiveness of this strategy in various areas - financial, industrial, insurance business, and so on..

Seek the advice - the simplest and easiest way to gain influence on colleagues, superiors and subordinates. It's much better than to make concessions or to provide assistance. "

But what if you really need to by the board, and ask for them not to whom? What if the situation calls for a quick fix? What if the person who you can ask for advice, pursues its own, selfish interests?

A professor at Duke University and author of "Predictably Irrational: The Hidden forces that shape our decisions," Dan Ariely believes that to take the right decision helps to "look the part". In other words, he advises to ask yourself: "What would you advise another man caught in such a situation?"

"During the consultations, I asked people to imagine that someone else was in the exact same situation in which they were themselves. After that, they had to give it a recommendation of an imaginary person. It turned out that when we put ourselves in a position where we stop to think about our current state, distracted from the emotional side of things. We really distance ourselves from the problem and is often the right decision. " In his book "How to make the most correct decisions in your work and personal life," Heath brothers write:

"We advice that we give to others, there are two big advantages: 1) they are naturally possible to determine the priorities and the most important factors in solving the problem, and 2) do not allow emotions to lead us," do not go there. " So when you feel at an impasse, the truest thing you can do is to ask yourself: What would you advise your best friend, if he were in a similar situation? "

It seems - too easy to be true. But next time will be taken to a difficult situation, try to - and be surprised at how effective this simple method. In most cases, the best source of advice is exerted ourselves.