How to work in a team in which you are not comfortable

No matter whom you work as a waitress, or the head of a branch of a large company. Your colleagues may be an asshole, and no salary does not pay for damage caused to them by nature. Gallap studies have shown that 51% of people working full-time to hate their jobs and the environment, have a negative impact on the performance of companies in general and suffer from multiple physical and mental disorders. One of the main reasons for the notorious contempt for work - colleagues from whom Vesuvius is glowing in the sciatic hills. Fortunately, with such possible to fight and even win.

The first rule of a good working day: not to start pointless conversations with those who are not going to drink brotherhood. Even setting the duty question, "How was your day yesterday?" - you can get an extra stream of information, complaints and whining. Half an hour later he discovers that stuck listening to how rude customers yesterday. So politely ignored talker in the morning, the whole day is free. "Good morning! Have a nice day! "- is enough.

What if the problem is more serious? After all, there are frames that consider it their duty to let stupid joke, comment on your appearance, and sometimes even frankly crap soul. Abstain from communicating with such people is difficult, because they provoke you, so you'll have to confront.

Marina, 26

My supervisor had to help me, but in fact it asserted itself on my background: Charging perform insignificant report that as a result no one was needed. Found in it a mistake in the middle of, say correct. I remade it checked again, found a mistake in the other place and sent back to rework. On each report could go for three days, and then she suddenly declared that it generally needs to be done on a different form. I commented it this way: who you such an idiot at all here took. The men also could easily discuss with me the same way I look. Why not wear dresses. Who will marry me this, and could make tea. I snapped without end, but it could not stop. Border - is what defines you as an individual, gives an insight into where your space begins and ends with someone else. This set of rules that you establish for yourself and others, and it's called: "Behold, how should treat me." People often understand the boundaries of the wording as something physical, such as attempts to embrace without permission. However, for every person is important and emotional boundaries. For example, you make observations when you do not ask, or climb into your work without permission.

To distinguish their needs from extraneous desires is difficult, especially if you're used to constantly please people. If you feel that flexes more often than we would like - hence, your boundaries are worthless. What should I do to show annoying counterparts, who is the boss:

Step 1: Define the rules of

- You ask personal questions to which you do not want to answer?

- is drawn into a debate that you are not interested?

- Ask to talk about their relationship?

- Ask violate internal regulations to protect late?

All of this can be attributed to actions that violate the border and affect your emotions and, therefore, asking you can safely send to hell. Politely, of course. You do not have to do something that can hurt your reputation.

The case can be not only in simple conversations, but also in how the work is done. For example, you should be 24 hours a day available on mobile, but no one pays for recycling, and in general this is not reflected in your job description.

Co-founder of Fairygodboss George Hwang says that women have a lot of problems with the definition of the boundaries of the so-called gray zone.

They have zero tolerance for sexual abuse or harassment. However, in other areas they allow them to go into space to discuss unpleasant topics and ignore the insults. Personal questions can be different: about relationships, marriage, children, or health condition. Operating problems are different in nature: you can be accused of is that the entire department did not receive the award, although you're here at all to do with it. This psychological pressure, which should be stopped superiors, but not all are lucky with the boss.

Step 2: Tell that to

When you determine the order of who and what in the environment you are constantly heating up, it is necessary to formulate.

Clearly communicate its rules. For example, if you do not want your colleagues to call you on the weekends or in the evenings, explain it to them straight and show the clock, during which you will be available. Of course, it is necessary to take into account emergencies, but such restrictions will help delineate the boundaries between work and private. Being sociable can do without in order to share all the details of his personal life. How you communicate with colleagues and management, it depends on you.

And most important not to break your own rules. For example, if you still one of the managers to send a message to you at an inopportune time, you will answer it immediately, or you wait Monday? Plan how you will react to situations before they happen.

Coachers Thomas Gagliano recommends:

Boundaries should be short, clear and honest. For example: "Please do not put a hand on my shoulder, it makes me uncomfortable." Be consistent, do not make exceptions. Even if you work with your best friend in the same company, do not forget to separate work from personal.

You can get stuck in the trap of explaining to colleagues why you feel uncomfortable. Do not respond to provocative questions: "Do you have something happen yesterday? Why are you out of yourself to build? ". Toxic people are not at odds with the adequacy of, and it is difficult to explain that you do not like something. Therefore, the stricter the tone, the more effective the result. This is not a joke.

Step Three. Back

Victoria, 24

At my previous job I was constantly pulled questions about my personal life and her endlessly condemned. There is a guy - it is bad, you have to be independent. No Man - bad, you have too excessive demands. I endlessly for something justified. The new team, I deliberately did not tell the details of their relationship. We had several brand new and when we are all familiar, I specifically gave them the opportunity to speak more and authenticity. Now about their personal life goes a lot of jokes, they are constantly in the spotlight, often - with a "minus". I feel a little uncomfortable, but on the other hand, I did not to expose them. They told everything themselves, thereby switching the attention from me.

When someone crosses your boundaries, for this we should follow the appropriate sanctions. Rather than be upset and give vent to emotions, it is better to fight back immediately, because in a week storm can calm down, and your boss does not understand why all cheese boron.

"No" should mean "no" rather than "ask later."