Ghosting: what to do if you have ceased to respond to messages

A new popular term in the first Russian-speaking space written Wonderzine, and since then the issue has become an occasion for a dozen debates on social networks. Ghosting - the practice of termination of the relationship, without any comment, when a person simply stops responding to messages and disappears. It is a cruel way but quite popular. In a survey in 2016, conducted by the YouGov research firm, 11 percent of people admitted that visited someone, and 80 percent of respondents to the online dating site Plenty of Fish said that it stayed them.

On the one hand, the desire of the abyss without explanation is clear: no confrontations, and spending time on the emotions. But it just seems like such because vanishing does not see the consequences of his action - the pain, trauma, shock, frustration and confusion - covering a person who was thrown and did not say why. However, even if you can not avoid this, you can make a little less horrible ghosting.

Give yourself time

Professor of communications studies at California Universtete Ebbo Utley said that the attempt to forget about the anger and frustration will not help the fact that these emotions are gone for good. Feel it. Really Feel. Spend a little time to sit down with his disappointment.

Do not overdo it: remember that at some point you will need to stop feeling sorry for yourself. Professor recommends that you set the limit of their disorder - a few days or weeks, and then when the time comes to move on.

Do not look for answers to

It is easy to fall into the cycle of walking in circles where I went wrong? what I said is not correct? The truth is that you have no idea what's going on in the mind of another person. You do not know to whom the problem: you or him. And in his life could happen a million different things that are completely unrelated to you, but forced him to disappear from the radar.

Resist the urge to analyze storiz and tweets to understand why you ignore. In all likelihood, you will not find what are looking for, but in the process set yourself up for great suffering to discover that your ex-boyfriend or the guy just lives his life as if nothing had happened. Unsubscribe and removed from the "Favorites"! Think also about your mutual friends, if you are worried about what this person may flicker in your belt with foreign accounts.

Do not expect an apology

If you think it will be easier if the person in front of you apologize, you know: it will not work. Him without you well and your demands will only confirm that he made the right choice - a life without you.

Even if you get an explanation of the act, it is likely you are not satisfied and will only aggravate the situation. No girl wants to hear that it is just not attractive or have someone who is much better.

Seek pros

Just because your relationship ended and suddenly disappeared into nowhere, it does not mean that everything is bad. You will never become the same as in these relationships. And if you rethink it in terms of experience, you can move on and be a new and better version of yourself.

Professor Utley even recommends gostera thank you for the opportunity to reconsider its relations with the people. Think about it, maybe you have long ignored the red flags? Or have you been the kind of person who would like to see your partner? These lessons will definitely need to learn, and you can even swear yourself that you never podvergnesh his new acquaintances such attitudes.