How to get rid of regrets

Regret for past mistakes do not allow us to make new ones. However, sometimes this feeling is so strong that it can destroy lives. Heroine understands, for which we are sorry about his actions, how to cope with self-flagellation and move on.

Feel sorry - it's nice to

The ability to regret their actions - talking about a healthy regret that you can realize to work, to repent and mend? - the most important sign of a meaningful life lived. If you do not feel remorse, then you continue doing something destructive, causing damage to yourself and your family.

Think of regret, not as punishment, but as a gift, though unpleasant. It is always an opportunity to develop, to become better, to change, the main thing - to use it correctly. The very fact that you feel sorry for some of the actions, you analyze the past, it says that you consciously feel about life, not just mindlessly swim with the current. But remorse is healthy only if you are not going to dwell on it and find out. For information on how to do this, we will explain below.

Ask why you do it

Sometimes regret allows people to protect themselves from the more profound experiences - this remorse and pain. Endlessly repeating "I had to do things differently" and to be angry with yourself sometimes easier than to admit that you are wrong and this is not correct. We regret there are different forms. On the one hand, you feel sorry for yourself, "Why am I then in the place," "sorry that this man I met at a time," "nothing, I believed him." On the other - you feel sorry for the person who caused the pain. It is important to focus on the second, because only this type of regret can be productive.

According to analyst David Morgan, currently repentance comes at a time when a person realizes that he has done to others. Only when the focus shifts from self to others, he sincerely regrets what he has done and wants to fix it.

How to move from destructive self-flagellation to this repentance? Cognitive-behavioral therapist Windy Dryden believes that the need to move away from categorical thinking in the spirit: "I certainly should not have done." It is better to ask the question: "Why did I do that?". When you occupy a more flexible position, you can show compassion to him and take his act.

The more time passes, the more true and it seems a good way that you did not choose. Maybe this way would really be the best, but you can not know this for sure. Try to understand that you make decisions based on values ​​and facts that I had at that time. This will be a huge step to repentance and self-knowledge.

Think about what you can specifically do

If you caused someone pain or harm, instead of being angry at yourself and criticize, do everything possible to rectify the damage. It is not so important how you're sorry, especially if these regrets are only in your head. All that matters is that you can now do to correct or compensate for his action and restore the relationship.

Allow yourself to make mistakes

Often regret becomes a barrier, closing the person from normal life. Do not mistake Only he who does nothing, and some people choose such a path.

For example, a woman after divorce regrets that married too early and long remained in an unhappy marriage. She decides not to repeat the same mistake. After she is dating and looking for a relationship, but unconsciously doing everything to them not to enter. It protects itself against possible risks and pain, but her life at the same time stands still.

If you do not do what may regret it in the end will miss a good chance to meet in your way - including a chance to be happy. The irony is that it is precisely the biggest source of regret.

Allow yourself to make mistakes, to repent of them and learn from this experience. Accept the fact that pain, frustration, regret and other unpleasant emotions can not be avoided. They are as much a part of life, as a victory and good luck.