Relationship - Selfishness
"I," as you know, the last letter of the Russian alphabet. But most frequently used in everyday speech has no equal - as a pronoun, of course. Agree, phrases such as "I want to ..." "I will not ..." and derivatives "I'm tired," "I feel bad," one way or another, are present in the daily vocabulary of each of us. There is nothing reprehensible.
Now imagine that your elderly parents are asking you to come at the weekend to help them in the country, what you say, "I have no time. A lot of work ", although no sverhzagruzhennosti the weekend is not expected - just that you have already agreed to go with friends on a fishing trip with an overnight stay.
Or suppose you liked in the shop quite charming leather handbag. But the price she is also a stunning ... A family is hiding a necessary amount you set aside with her husband on gifts to friends for the New Year. A little hesitation - well, quite a bit - you buy a pleasant thing, and later on the puzzling question spouse "Where did the money?" Tone categorically declares: "I dreamed about this bag for many years! Are you a bunch of papers is more important than the happiness of his wife?!. Here is a manifestation of one of the most heinous human vices - excessive selfishness.
Signs that in front of you - egoist "to the bone" - a great variety. Consider the most basic.
Lily and Andrew met at a party. Dancing, laughing, cocktails - the night passed quickly. The young man spent new friend home, asking the last phone number. From that moment began their active communication. It consists in the fact that Andrei daily called Lily and talking, talking, talking ... only about themselves. Or rather, about his work Chef: what dishes he prepares (simply Yum!), What recipe he came up yesterday, which spices you need to put in san chi chi, etc., etc.....
Periodically Andrew invited Lily to the cinema or just for a walk, but there he enthusiastically talked about the cream soups with parmesan and squid rings in batter. At first she listened with feigned interest in all this "rubbish" (she was not a fan of cooking). Then he tried to translate the conversation in a different direction, to even try something "insert" itself ... Unfortunately, the results of the data maneuvers have not given absolutely no. As a result, the relationship came to naught - mainly due to Lila.
Thus, the first sign of selfishness - "Theater of one actor": incessant monologue about themselves, their hobbies, and unwillingness to listen at the same time the interlocutor, to delve into his problems.
There are cases when one partner acts in relation to the other in the role of dictator.
Svetlana loved to wear pants from narrow jeans to short shorts. But her young man Anton do not like this taste for this kind of clothing. He repeatedly hinted World, that he would like to see her on a date in a skirt.
Resistance girl irritated Anton, but the young man tried to restrain himself. The case went to the wedding, so the man was in the belief that too in the status of beloved wife submit to his will. But he miscalculated: demanding from Amy on the third day of married life thrown out of the closet all the "unfeminine clothes," Anton was a great scandal, and the stigma of "despot". Subsequent attempts were brutally broken threat of divorce.
Consequently, the second sign of selfishness - "Do as I say (a)!": An unjustified imposition of their own view of things, the views and will of others. The young families and families where there is a clash of interests of different generations (children / teenagers - older people), common situation in which the TV / computer becomes the subject, which reveals the selfishness of one of the parties.
For example, a husband wants to watch a football match, and the wife defends the right to enjoy the new series of "soap opera", running at the same time with the game, only on a different channel. And start a war for control ... Anyone who is not in any inferior to another, is selfish. If the compromise does not want two, then two - hard-nosed sebyalyubtsy.
The conclusion is obvious: the third main feature of selfishness - the reluctance to give up his neighbor, and the satisfaction of their own interests at the expense of the interests of others.
Why do people become selfish? The reasons are many: the excessive love of parents as a child, and no-sisters, brothers, and excessive attention of women / men at a young age, and even self-doubt, inferiority complex, the shortfall in childhood parental care and warmth that gradually produced the vital principle: "Nobody loves me - I will love itself" ...
But even identify the cause of rolls over selfishness in man, you're unlikely to be able to eradicate it in this "pernicious weed." First of all, he must be willing to change. Your task - to support him along the way. If a person is not willing to change and believes his selfish behavior the norm, you have at least three out of the situation.
Exit №1. "Mirror"
Repeat for all his selfish antics unbearable, copy action - in other words, try to time his role. It is likely to see themselves as if from outside, a person realizes his mistakes and the absurdity of such behavior, will understand how difficult it is to you to live and to communicate with him, and as a result will start to change. Although an absolute guarantee, of course not ...
Exit №2. Talk with your partner
Try to "reach out" to his common sense. List what you do not like his behavior. Explain what kind of pain it causes you to his egoism. In the end, put a man faced with a choice: either you change yourself, or we have to leave. Perhaps he realizes that as a result of termination of the relationship will lose a lot, maybe even more than you. Again, if a person experiences a certain feeling to you, he is unlikely to want to part with you.
If the above two ways you have not helped, remains the last - the most effective: Minimize any contact with a partner, that is simply to terminate the relationship with such a person. Because no one has the right to poison your life. I think many will agree with this ...
Nadezhda Ponomarenko, especially for our website